The Art Of Being Sexy

Let me explain that the Art of Being Sexy isn’t only about sex, one can be sexy when going to the shops. Let me explain. Being sexy isn’t just about how you look, but more about how you make the viewer feel. It’s understanding that deep loving and tantric sex begins with understanding that you are a sexual being and with your lover you want connected desirability. It’s a vibe, an energy you exude. A look. And, although eroticism primarily begins between the ears, visual stimulation to get those thoughts moving should be exploited! It’s not about being slutty…..it’s more about being desirable.

Here at Mature Tantra, we believe the art of being sexy is about so much more than the physical. It’s about presence. It’s about imagination. It’s about knowing what the divine masculine and feminine look for in each other. We’re talking about the kind of sexiness that comes from a place of deep knowing and inner confidence. A sexiness that isn’t loud or desperate, but subtle, grounded, and powerful. This is the realm where eroticism meets spirituality.

Let’s be honest, we all like to feel attractive – desired. But there’s a difference between chasing an impossible standard and honouring the body you’re in. When you dress in a way that makes you feel good, when you move your body with intention, when you nourish yourself with good food and good thoughts, you’re not being vain. You’re practising self-respect. You’re being your divine self!

Feeling good about yourself is a powerful form of self-care. It signals to your nervous system that you are safe and worthy of pleasure. This is where true magnetism begins. When you feel vital and alive, that energy is contagious. You don’t need to be a certain size or age to be sexy. You just need to own who you are and treat yourself like someone worth cherishing. Respect yourself and others will respect you. Love yourself and others will love you. Know your worth and others will value you. As Sally Berg reminds us, cultivating pleasure is the number one health choice for midlife women—it resets the nervous system and creates space for joy to flow in the body.

Women find men who look after themselves sexy!

Now men, a massive beer belly and some amusing flatulence isn’t especially sexy as you know. In order to practice Tantric Sex and Taoist Sexual Healing, you need to be healthy and fit (to a relative degree). You cannot retain your sperm and make love for hours day after day if you’re unfit and overweight – you just don’t have the muscle control. I’m not saying you need to go to the gym everyday to enjoy your partner, but fasting, walking, regular specific exercises to work on the sex practice muscles will make for better love making. And will give you a better partnership and a much deeper love, because intimacy will become a bigger part of your life. Don’t you want your love to be happy?

Similar for women, who I understand are under a lot more societal pressure than men, but consider regular fasting, good skin care, sensible eating as normal practices for long life and good tantric sex. The more active a part of love-making you are, the more heightened will be your ecstasy. You can’t simply lie back (or kneel) and expect your lover to do it all TO you – he wants to do it WITH you.

Men, your divine feminine lover wants your masculine energy – so don’t soak it in booze! On your tantric nights, perhaps a glass of wine together, but sinking a few to get in the mood is not the way forward for tantra and taoist sex. She wants your presence. She wants you to talk soft and low just behind her ear. She wants you to hold her neck and the space between her neck and shoulder in your mouth – firmly. She wants you to push your tongue into her in different places so she can fantasize. She wants you to take your time. She wants your hands strong and controlling to move her and deep massage her. She wants you to kiss parts of her that have been unloved for years. She wants you to say the right things at the right times. She wants you PRESENT!

You are not covered in aftershave, although you are clean with natural soaps with perhaps a touch of essential oil, musk or sandalwood. Your male pheromones are not masked – there’s just enough of you in your cleanliness. You might be wearing a sarong, or a large cotton shirt that is open. A part of being sexy is not showing the bits that do you no favours…

Women, men are bombarded with erotic images if they are anywhere near social media, so subtle but alluring make-up, exotic oils or perfumes not overdone do a lot for men. Suggestion is better than in your face. Men want women who know what type of woman a man wants in bed. Their bedwear is sexy – not revealing too much but showing their best sides and hiding their worst. They make sure the room is candlelit and fragrant, and they dress into their nightwear like its the first night – a little shy, a little coquettish . This all helps to keep men interested and aroused. If you like, it’s enlightened self interest. Much better than coming to bed without any care, wearing frumpy grandma pyjamas or pants and complaining about the cold! And then complaining that ‘he never wants to touch me….’

Now, I’m not suggesting that women have a makeover before bed but a touch of kajal at the eyes and a blush of red on the lips will not go astray on tantra nights! I have spent some time in India, and even when going to the shops, Indian women wear jewellery, fragrantly oil their hair, put kajal on their eyes, tight clothes…..they looked sexy! Sisters, men are required to attain and retain erections for a long time, a little help doesn’t go astray here. And you will be rewarded for that little effort, I assure you.

Now, I know “spiritual” and “eroticism” might sound like an odd couple, but in Tantra, they are two halves of the same whole. The purpose of eroticism is not just for a fleeting moment of pleasure, but as a gateway to ascending to a higher state of being. Tantra is about leaving the maya (the illusory world), so some imagination aids that journey.

Think of it this way. When you’re truly in a state of erotic connection, whether with yourself or a partner, you become totally present. You’re not thinking about your to-do list or what you’re having for dinner. You are fully in your senses, feeling everything – sensual. This level of presence is, in itself, a form of meditation. It brings you closer to your true self and to your lover. This is what it means to move beyond the ordinary and touch something sacred .

If you’re curious about how this energy can be harnessed for transformation, you might enjoy my post on **Awakening the Kundalini** where we explore how to channel sexual energy beyond the ego.

So, what makes a person truly sexy? It’s their ability to be present and in their true self. Knowing what the best of you is and valuing it. Knowing what your wo/man appreciates. A person who can look you in the eye and listen and look without distraction….that desires you. That is captivating.

When you practice Tantra, whether through meditation, breathwork, or sensual practices, you’re building your ability to be present – wholly in the now. You’re cultivating an awareness that extends beyond the physical. This makes you more attractive, not because of your body, but because of your energy. Tantric sex isn’t about friction sex – it’s about merging as one. The most unsatisfying tantric sex is when someone just wants to f*ck or be f*cked…

And here’s the beautiful thing: this isn’t just for women or just for men. It’s a universal principle. The art of being sexy is for everyone. Maturity in love, as Osho taught, means having the integrity to be alone and the capacity to give love without strings attached. This is a power that grows with age, not one that fades.

We often talk and spoke earlier about feminine and masculine energies, but the truth is, we all have both. Being sexy is about expressing your authentic sexual energy, whatever that looks like, and however it’s expressed. About being completely authentic.

For some, this might be about embracing the receptive feminine energy that creates a powerful exchange in a relationship. For others, it might be about moving beyond a goal-oriented approach to intimacy and finding pleasure in the journey itself. The art of being sexy is about being fully alive in your own skin in a way that allures your lover. It’s about feeling the energy that flows between you and letting it emanate from you back into your lover, allowing it to build to orgasmic explosion. It’s the energy of life itself.

So, how do you actually do this? How do you tap into this deeper sense of self? It’s simpler than you might think.

1.  **Breathe:** This is the most powerful tool you have. Deep, conscious breathing connects you to your body and your energy. It’s the foundation of almost every tantric practice. Keep checking in because my next blog will focus on breathwork.

2.  **Slow Down:** We are so conditioned to rush. The art of being sexy is about savoring. Savor your food, savor a touch, savor a glance. Move slowly, feel everything. Be present. Set aside an afternoon. This is often called “Slow Sex,” and it’s a game-changer for creating deep, lasting intimacy. Don’t go to bed at 11 and expect your partner to be ready for a 3 hours tantric session!

3.  **Connect With Your Body:** Spend time in your body. This could be through yoga, dancing, or just sitting in quiet meditation. Notice where you hold tension and what feels good. The more you know your own body, the more you can share it with a partner. Once you are fully connected with your body, you can fully connect with your lover’s body. They want it explored – it is the pathway to pleasure.

The art of being sexy is the art of being you, in your most authentic, present, and vibrant state. It’s about being consciousness to what is sexy and what WILL make your lover more desirous. It’s about knowing that true eroticism is a spiritual as well as mental practice. It’s about understanding that your energy is your most attractive quality, and that presence is the foundation of real, deep connection. It’s about harnessing this energy not just for physical pleasure, but for a greater sense of joy, aliveness, and spiritual connection.

And that, my friends, is the ultimate art. Check in regularly to learn more techniques for exploring the tantric and taoist world of Being Sexy.